Pregnancy Secrets or Lies?

I always knew that there were secrets about pregnancy that even your worst enemy would not tell you.

I once had a girlfriend summarize birth as 'just turn around and walk into the hospital backwards, that's all you need to know about having a baby'.

However, now that I am on the precipice of having my first baby, I have figured out the first secret that my dearest friends have only begun to admit to.... the last month is awful! I realize that mother nature probably made it this way so that we want our babies out as much as they want to get out (wait, I hear they don't want to come out and are pretty pissed off when they do.)

No one warned me when I was an innocent, naive and joyous newly expecting mommy that things would look or feel like this! Where were all those truth telling friends of mine? I assume that they were just trying to shelter my happiness from the realities of pregnancy.

I have found it refreshing that there are still some decent people out there in the world that are more than happy to help out a pregnant woman. My experience reveals that the greatest concentration of them exist at Whole Foods in Mill Valley and the lowest concentration reside on any airplane (yes, that includes flight attendants who stand there and stare at you while you try to get your bags up into the storage bin.)

However, there was one ridiculous granola crunching schmuck at a Whole Foods SF who saw me struggling to pick up some candy that had fallen to the floor and instead of offering to help me with the recovery, asked if he could cut in line ahead of me instead. Now that doesn't feel like peace loving, kale eating, Birkenstock wearing behavior.

Oh yeah, and all you gals out there who tell your pregnant sisters that you 'only gained 15 lbs' during your entire pregnancy, guess what, that doesn't help or feel good to anyone (except you of course.)
Focusing, focusing.... back to my initial point, I am on to all you life giving ladies out there. You are so excited when someone new gets pregnant because then you will get one more member of the feet swelling, back aching, stretch marking touting and varicose vain sporting club. I get it, I wouldn't have told me either. But once you are pregnant, what are you going to do about it anyways?

When I complain about the side effects of being pregnant to my mother she asks me 'what did you think was going to happen?' I guess that is the crux of the problem. When I found out I was pregnant I didn't think about me. I thought about the joy of bringing a little person into this world who is full of hope, optimism and joy. Ah, but that seems so long ago (after all, haven't I been pregnant forever by now?)

So ladies, let's have our 'honest moment' now. What else do I need to know about pregnancy or giving birth? What surprises are you all keeping from people like me, birthing virgins? I'm ready to hear it all. Keep nothing back. After all, it is far too late to do anything about it now.